DISCLAIMER: this is my personal journey to parenthood. This is my path and what I chose to do. There are lots of other paths and none of them are righter or better than the other. In the end, If you’re a parent like me, we’re all in this together.
I come from a large family: four sisters from my mother’s side and two sisters from my father’s side. Even though I have many siblings, my family history is very messy.
My parents divorced as soon as I was born, and I grew up believing that my stepfather was my real father. During the Salvadorean war, we moved several times to different countries, and during one of those moves, I met my biological father. flash forward a couple of years later, I’m living with my paternal grandmother who is sending me to live with my father who’s making plans to come to Canada. Flash forward a couple of years more, and my father is moving the family back to El Salvador now that the war is over and 16-year old me had made the decision to stay in Canada.
So, needless to say, my definition of family was a little sketchy. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mom, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get married. Still, in 1998 I met and fell in love with a boy, and we tied the knot.
The conversation about having a family and children is one that should be had in a relationship. If one person is not sure or doesn’t want children, there’s little chance that they will change their mind once they’re married. This is something that I struggled with. My partner wanted children. Did I? Turns out I did.
I did a lot of personal work with counsellors and therapist to deal with issues regarding my upbringing. This is something that I encourage everyone to do. I didn’t want my child to deal with the same issues I had, those are mine and end with me.
Another thing that I wanted to do is to enjoy my marriage and travel more before we had children. It might sound selfish to some, but to me, it was a good way to ensure that I can give all my love and attention to my child without any remorse or regret. I wanted to travel, and I did. Of course, travelling with children is completely possible, but traveling alone is a completely different experience.
Lastly, I wanted stability. Moving around so much my whole life left me with no childhood friends or memories whatsoever. Not even a single baby picture. I didn’t want that to happen to my kid. So the checklist looked a lot like this:
- stable career
- buy an apartment
- settle debts
- get healthy
The healthy part I’m still working on, but otherwise, the rest of the checklist is complete.
In 2013 Dylan was born to two parents so ready to devote themselves to parenthood. We love spending time with him, exploring the world thru his eyes, and pretty much excited to teach, nurture and cherish him.
Becoming a parent was the best thing I’ve chosen for myself. Dylan has taught me so much about love – love for others and love for myself. My journey to motherhood wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I made it.